Life Will Go On?

Are you aware As that long as I have my notepad, life will go on.
If typing to myself is insane, than what do you people call typing to random strangers?
Is this world made for artistic people, or bland people?
Being artistic can almost make you an outcast in this life.
Thinking about it long and hard, it should be the other way around.
Or maybe i’m the other way around, should thinking outside the box mean your stuck in the box from birth.
I started as 1 single cell and split into millions, yet my purposes is bland.
Eat, sleep, procreate, repeat.
They say life is what you make it, but I still havn’t meet they.
What do ‘they’ really know about me?
No one human being on this earth is the same, yet we are all supossed go by the same old sayings and guidelines in life?
Begging to differ is begging to be an outcast.

My Life Sucks, I Can’t Stop Eating…

I just ate a mcdonalds and it got worse
ive just finished off a bacon cheeseburger with fries, six onion rings and a rolo milkshake. after i was done, i found myself craving for more rather than disgusted at myself. THAT, was the worrying thing!

On top of that, last night I ordered a pizza. Friday I ordered a pizza too and also on early friday morning I had ANOTHER Mcdonalds. That’s without all the other shit in between. That right there is probably more than a whole african family consumes in their lifetime.

I actually felt ashamed walking down my driveway with another Mcdonalds bag for the 2nd time in two nights.

To make things worse, I got home on Friday after work and masturbated to a pair of womens high heels. I then drank myself silly with 55% absinthe because I can’t get 80% here in the UK without having it imported.

It doesn’t end their, I’ve masturbated so many times over the weekend my dick appears to have permanently shrunk and appears to have no blood circulation whatsoever. Its not that that bothers me, its just that if it wasnt alredy small enough it just got smaller.

I don’t believe in God myself, but so many people say he does exist so if he really does why the fukk is he doing this to me? Seriously, I never give no one no beef and this is how I get repaid.

Please, take a minute to appreciate just how much better your life is than mine. Just be greatful you are not me.

Just Moved Into Hell House…

Are you aware that yesterday I moved into my new rented house with three other mates for uni. Within two hours of entering the house, I was earth slammed through my brand new bed by two of my housemates. This resulted im my bed brocken before I even sat on it.

Now I thought this was bad and that the day couldnt get any worse – how wrong was I. In the afternoon the same two house mates break out their BB guns – an MP5 and another one. After being shot by both guns set to auto I had several red marks all over my body, and a couple of the shots caused bleeding and a lot of pain. So Ive now been owned twice in the same day.

Moving onto the evening, I was rushed and carried into a small cupboard. I was then locked into this cuboard which smelt of piss for some time. Ive never been tripple owned before, and its not nice.

Im now waiting for the two military grade 9 flashbangs (the ones which blow out the windows, and can set fire to your house) they have to be thrown into my room in the middle of the night.

I have 11 months of this!

Wiggers, What’s Wrong?

Are you aware I never got beat down I got along with pretty much everyone but back when I was in school there weren’t so many wiggers. They’re just really fucking annoying to see and to be around and I personally think they’re a burden to the advancement of our society. I agree, I usally don’t worry about other people but when it’s almost a whole damn generation it gets rediculous and sh*t needs to stop. But of course, I’m just a person, not like I can actually do anything about it. Just my rants.

I’m A Fat Slob With No Friends…

Are you aware I was eating my third Big Mac today and I was getting that greasy stuff all over my hands. I didnt even really think about it but instead of using a napkin I felt compelled to lick it all off of myself. Right then I had a revelation. I looked down at myself and realized what a fat slob I have become. In high school I was a star quarterback and now my wife wont even touch me intimately anymore. I cant see my feet or my genitals. I started to alternate between laughing histarically and crying right there in front of a bunch of people in McDonalds. They have those narrow seats there and when I tried to get up and leave really fast because I was emberassed, I got stuck for a minute. That made the teenagers next to me start laughing at me. I was really crying then and I heard a little girl ask her mommy what was wrong with that fat man. I lost it today and threw the rest of my milkshake at them. I went home and now I dont want to leave the house. Ive eaten every Little Debbie snack in the whole house and Ive been crying for hours. Nobody loves me and everyone thinks im a freak. I tried to talk to my wife and she left to stay at ther mothers for a while with the kids. I really need some friends.

At The Club Last Night…

Are you aware i went out to a club last night to get over my gf and i saw this hot chick dancing on the dancefloor by herself, i started dancing near her then got real close and tried to grind but she turned away from me, anyway i tried to be alpha and kept getting near her and flirting and this f*cking loser guy came over and started grinding with her, he put her arms on her hips and she had her hands on his shoulders and id had enough so i grabbed him by the arm and said “hey ******* the girls with me” she told me to let go of him and started grabbing my arm away so i told her to shut her mouth, i then told the guy that i saw her first and that im an alpha male and shes mine, he told me to fuck off, so later on i saw that motherf*cker at the bar and i grabbed a f*cking beer mug and f*cking smashed it over his fucking head, he dropped to the ground so i kicked him in the ribs and face about 7 times then picked up a stool and smashed him with it, i had to spend a night in jail but it was worth it, i didnt get the chicks number but im gonna look for her next time at the club and be more alpha next time

Hit a Squirrel With My Bike… The Stomped It…Opps

I was riding my bike down the bike trail near my house doing my daily cardio. Im flying and all of a sudden a squirrel runs in front of me I try to swerve almost falling off my bike but I don’t, although I ran right over this crazy squirrel.
His abdomen is crushed and he is squirming with some of his guts hanging out. Im thinking “oh no what do I do?!”. I know this thing was going to die and it was in pain, so I have to shorten its misery quickly as possible. I stomp hard on its head many times, and with each stomp I grunted a bit.

Well, I see a family with two small kids came up behind me and are seeing me doing this. the look on the parents and kids faces is something that will haunt me in my dreams tonight.
I sped off due to embarrassment and instinct, leaving the bloody squirrel carcass behind. the kids are young I can only imagine this may affect them.

I put this all down to bad place and bad timing. I feel pretty crappy.

Random Asshat In The Restroom … Rant Part 3

Are you aware, this is actually very simple. You take a dump, you flush. OFTEN.
There’s no reason in the fucking world to sit there hatching some rancid pile of yer wife’s leftover meatloaf and the egg-salad sandwich from yesterday’s lunch, refusing to flush until you’ve squeezed off every last round, all the while filling every cubic centimeter of breathable air with your foul gut-stench.
Again, flushes are FREE!
It’s not the electric chair, don’t be scared to pull that lever.
Remember the 3 P’s of courteous bowel blowing:
Push that shit out!
Pinch it off.
Pull the fuckin’ flush handle.
Repeat as needed.
Regardless of how much you enjoy the aroma of your own private fecal fest, the rest of us want to slip into the bathroom and back out without an uncontrollable rush of involuntary gag-heaves.
A whiff is understandable/acceptable.
A viscous, impenetrable fog of your scatological emissions is not.

That is all.

Cliff’s: Yer shit stinks, flush it fer cryin’ out loud!

Random Asshat In Restroom.. Rant Part 2

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Are you aware that little silver lever mounted up on the side of the pisser makes that hot foamy pool of alarmingly brown pee you just left in the urinal go away. I don’t know what you’ve been eating lately, Dr. Lecter, but you might wanna see a physician. Ya might also try drinking that new “water” thing everybody’s been makin’ all the fuss about.
It may be hard for you to comprehend, but not being a member of the canine family I actually don’t like the smell of someone else’s piss [no sb] wafting up to my nostrils on moistly heated air currents.
And here’s the best part, meathead – it’s absolutely FREE to pull, many times as ya want! No charges will be added to your account, no fees deducted from your paypal.
So do us all a favor, ya fuggin neanderthal – wrap those opposable thumbs around that lever and give it a pull or 2 next time ya mark yer cave.kthnxbai.

Cliffs: Quit with the “piss-n-dash” – nobody can be in that big of a hurry to not flush.

Random Asshat Talking In The Restroom…Rant

Are you aware I didn’t come in here to talk about the weather/news/sports or any other idle chatter.
In fact, I’d prefer not to carry on a conversation at all while I am urinating.
I came in here for one reason ONLY – to evacuate the urinary content of my uncomfortably expanded bladder.
So don’t linger as you wash your hands in order to finish your humorous little anecdote/observation – you shouldn’t have started it in the first place, and my continued silence after my initial “yeah, whatever” should be your clue.
So STFU, and GTFO.And if I’m having a sit-down and you happen to identify me by my shoes and feel the urge to strike up a convo, I will punch you in the throat and stomp on yer kidneys after I have finished my dump.

That is all.

Cliffs: The mens room is for excretory functions, NOT talking.

Nasty AC Slater Prank… Yep, #2….

Are you aware this is probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf’s brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomache was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC SLatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF’s parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf’s mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tommorow. I am so embarassed and I hope my gf doesnt blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.

I Went Cow Tipping…Well…

Are you aware a little while ago me and a friend thought it would be a cool idea to go out to a cow pasture and practice our wrestling moves on cows. We figure if we can take those fucckers down, we can take down anything. So I hop the fence and have my friend punch me in the head a few times to get my adrenaline running and to piss me the hell off, because I hate getting punched. So he hits me a few times and tells me I should go wrestle first. So I pick the weakest looking cow I can find, which is probably a thick hunk ton of meat of cow and I walk up to it.I punch it in the eye ahen go in for the tackle, however the thing dodges out the way and I hit the ground. The cow steps on me. It steps on me hard, roars, and runs off. It hurt like hell. Any good ideas on how to heal this new wound of mine? I plan on drinking milk the rest of the night and eating steak tomorrow just so I can feel the taste of revenge.

My Terminator Ritual…. In The Shower

Are you aware I have a ritual called ‘terminator’. I crouch in the shower in the “naked terminator” pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

Rant About Todays Generation – Internet Guy

Are you aware this whole generation is a joke. You know what, if you guys want to nail girls in a spur of the moment, go right ahead. See how far it gets you. Sorry for having morals, and not being an animal. Seems to be the going rate around here. Have funs with your kids, and STD’s. But to tell ya’ the truth, I doubt any of you are getting laid in the first place. Why? Because a guy who actually does get laid, doesn’t have to kiss and tell. Least off all, on the INTERNET! You guys really need to get lives. I can’t believe I’ve even contributed to this garbage. I must be in need of a life of my own, just on the basis of sharing my thoughts with you morons. Have fun bragging to each other about how many sluts in you banged in under 2 minutes. I’m sure it is a great experience for all of you.Look I don’t care what you do. Go ahead, bang away at those skeezers. Myself, I don’t think it is a good idea to do so. How well could you possibly know a girl after 2 hours? Enough to sleep with her? This is the point I’m trying to get across. What these people seem to not understand is, is that you are sharing your body with someone when you have sex. Plenty of bad things could happen when you do this. How much thought could you possibly give this in what, 2 hours? Oh, and Bruno, I’m quite capable of speaking on my own behalf. I appreciate the help, but I’m not in any real need of it, so thanks, but no thanks. So as of Jul 17, 2006 do what ya’ want. You wanna bang sluts after 10 minutes, go right ahead. When you wake up the next morning pissing out razorblades, just remember I told ya’ so.

Stop Making Fun of My Mother

Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad backfrom driving the truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6’4″ 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought.
What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know.